Hi guys, job search got you down? To help lighten your mood, below are amusing (accidental, in most cases) comments that were actually written by job applicants during their searches for employment.
In a cover letter:
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”In a resume:
“Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”
“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I demand a salary commiserate with my expensive experience.”
“I was working for my Mom until she decided to move.”Assorted tidbits people put under a “Personal” heading
“Marital status: Single, Unmarried, Unengaged, Uninvolved, No Commitments.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”
“Marital status: often. Children: various.”
“Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”
“Donating blood – 14 gallons so far.”
One job applicant had a heading called “Pet Peeves” which included such things as
“lazy workers, know-it-alls, spicy foods, etc.”
“Since my last report this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”
“I would not allow this employee to breed.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984″
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining an entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
“Received a plaque for Salesperson of the Year.”
L1 / L2 Technical Support Engineers at Tecnotree Corporation
Field Engineer - Wireline at Baker Hughes
Offshore Structural Engineer at WTS Energy
Lead, Reward and Compliance at Green Africa Airways Limited
Accountant at Cardinal Integrated Projects Limited
Political and Economic Officer at Embassy of Ireland, Nigeria
Safety & Environment Specialist at International Breweries Plc
Technical Sales Manager (Chemicals) at Cormart Nigeria Limited
Junior Technical Superintendent at AfrikDelta Marine Limited
Web Developer (Laravel) at Tedikom Wireless Limited
Staff Wells Engineer, Franchise at Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC)
Staff Wells Engineer, Drilling at Shell Petroleum Development Company (SPDC)
Legal Officer at First Bank of Nigeria Limited
Senior Tax Associate at PepsiCo
Analyst, Business Development at Stanbic IBTC Pension Managers Limited
Humanitarian Response Programme Officer at Christoffel Blinden Mission (CBM) International